question everything

(english version is available below)

я довольно часто повторяю фразу "я много думала об этом". и чем чаще я это делаю, тем более странно я себя чувствую, потому что мне начинает казаться, что нет такого вопроса, о котором я уже не подумала. и я ни в коем случае не говорю это с ощущением самодовольства. наоборот, тут все дело в том, насколько я self-conscious. если переводить дословно, self-conscious означает осознанный, но мне кажется, перевод не передает то значение, которое есть у этого слова в оригинале, поэтому я просто очень надеюсь на то, что ты поймешь, что именно я имею ввиду. так вот! у меня есть очень и очень много вопросов и сомнений, поводов для того, чтобы нервничать и бояться. и обдумывание чего-либо одновременно может помочь разобраться с частью этих вопросов и наоборот увеличить их масштабы во много раз. 

несмотря на то, что я верю в человеческую способность меняться, я также думаю, что есть часть нас, которая всегда будет именно такой, какой она была всю нашу жизнь. и когда я анализирую себя, то допускаю, что чрезмерное обдумывание всего на свете, вероятно, во мне останется. и в этом нет ничего страшного, но страшно то, что ты читаешь уже второй абзац моего текста и до сих пор не знаешь, о чем будет этот пост. надеюсь, ты останешься, потому что я собираюсь исправиться прямо сейчас. в последнее время я много думала о том, что частью написания текстов являются советы и рекомендации. сегодня я хотела бы поговорить об этом немного подробнее. что думаешь? хочешь узнать, что я имею ввиду? тогда до встречи в полной версии этого поста :)

i often say "this is something i have thought about a lot". and the more i say it, the weirder i feel, because it seems like there is nothing i have not already thought about. i do not mean it in a big-headed way, i actually mean it in a very self-conscious way. i have so many questions and doubts, so many reasons to feel anxious and scared. thinking can both help me deal with some of them and enhance the scale of these troubles in my head. 

even though i do believe that you can change in many different ways, i also think that there are parts of us that will always remain the same. when i think about myself, i suppose that the overthinking will stay. and it is okay. what is not okay though is that you have already read more than a paragraph of text, but you have no idea what my post is going to be about. so, please don`t go and let me fix this right away. i have been thinking about the "giving advice" aspect of writing, and i would like to talk about it a bit more today. sounds good to you? see you in the full version of the post then :)

hello, two thousand eighteen

(english version is available below)

привет <3 с новым годом тебя! сегодня - второе января. я проснулась в непривычно позднее для себя время, неспешно позавтракала мамиными сырниками, а теперь пью чай в своей детской комнате и пишу этот текст. первый в этом году. последние несколько дней я с удовольствием читала разнообразные посты с выводами о две тысячи семнадцатом и планами на две тысячи восемнадцатый. так или иначе, больше всего меня интересуют люди, их жизненный опыт, их мысли и эмоции. именно поэтому такие тексты для меня - особенно любопытны. так, например, аня написала текст о своем смелом решении уйти со стабильной работы и отправиться в свободное плаванье. мы с ней много раз говорили об этом в прошлом году, и я была очень рада тому, что она наконец-то может поделиться этими переменами у себя в блоге. в последнее время я много думаю о том, что наша жизнь состоит из множества уровней, как и мы сами. и то, что кто-то что-то делает вовсе не означает, что ему этот процесс дается легко. это означает исключительно то, что какие-либо другие варианты стали просто недопустимы. важно об этом помнить и важно об этом говорить. я уже подвела итоги своего две тысячи семнадцатого, а сегодня хочу поделиться с тобой планом на две тысячи восемнадцатый.

hello <3 happy new year! today is the second of january. i woke up much later than i usually do, slowly ate delicious "syrniki" made by my mum. i am now drinking tea in the room where i grew up and i am writing this text. the first one in two thousand eighteen. i have been reading a lot of year reviews and resolutions with pleasure lately. anyhow, i am fascinated by people and their experiences, as well as thoughts and emotions the most. this is why such posts are especially interesting to me. for example, anja has just shared her decision to quit a stable job and start a completely new independent journey. we have discussed this many times with her throughout this past year, and i am very glad that she was finally able to share this on her blog. i have been thinking a lot lately about our life being multidimensional and us people being the same. when someone does something, it does not mean that it is for this person, but it does mean that no other option is acceptable any longer. it is important to remember about it and to talk about it. i have already written my two thousand seventeen review, whereas today i would like to share my plan for two thousand eighteen.

goodbye, two thousand seventeen

(english version is available below)

я люблю начинания и завершения. я люблю каждый последний день месяца и каждый первый день нового. я люблю последний день старого года и первый день нового. я получаю удовольствие от пауз на обдумывание того, какими были последние двенадцать месяцев. у меня нет ни специальных систем, ни особых способов. я просто думаю о том, что получилось, а что - нет. я делюсь своими мыслями уже больше двух лет. я писала финальный пост года в две тысячи пятнадцатом и еще один в две тысячи шестнадцатом. здорово было оглядываться назад и собирать кусочки жизни в списки, а потом перечитывать их, но в этот раз мне не хочется писать очередной список, поэтому этот пост будет немного другим. давай попрощаемся с две тысячи семнадцатым годом вместе? <3

i love endings and beginnings. i love the last day of the month, i love the first day of the month. i love the last day of the year, i love the first day of the year. i always take some time to look back and analyze what these twelve months have been like. i do not have any special systems or ways of doing it. i simply think about it all and figure out what went well and what did not. i have been sharing this kind of stuff on my blog for more than two years now. i wrote a final post of the year in two thousand fifteen and another one in two thousand sixteen. it was a pleasure to create those lists and a lot of fun to re-read them later, but i do not want to write another list this time, which is why this post is going to be a bit different. let`s say goodbye to two thousand seventeen together, shall we? <3

let yourself be free

(english version is available below)

я люблю составлять планы и следовать им. я люблю расписывать свой день по пунктам, а потом вычеркивать их один за одним. я люблю дедлайны. я считаю, что подобные ограничения способны избавить нас от дополнительной нервотрепки, и мне это нравится. я верю во все это и я так живу! но бывают дни, когда меня наполняет ощущение, что что-то не так. внезапно то, что освобождало меня и облегчало мою жизнь, становится клеткой, которая давит и мучает. план на день, который вчера казался мне идеальной возможностью не растеряться и сделать все то, что мне нужно сделать, чтобы приблизиться к достижению своих многочисленных и разнообразных целей, сегодня заставил меня почувствовать себя так, словно я все делаю неверно. к счастью, я научилась прислушиваться к себе, а потом искать подходящую мне здесь и сейчас альтернативу. 

i like making plans and sticking to them. i like writing down a to-do list for a day and then crossing items out of it one by one. i love deadlines. i am convinced that such limitations can actually relieve us from totally unnecessary stress, and i like it. i believe all of this and that is the way i live my life. however, there are days when i am filled with a notion that something is wrong. out of a sudden something that liberated me and made my life better, turns into a cage that puts pressure on me and causes me pain. a to-do list that seemed to be a perfect opportunity to do everything i must do to get closer to accomplishing my numerous and diverse goals yesterday, makes me feel as if everything i do is wrong today. luckily, i have learnt to listen to myself and then look for an alternative that suits me here and now. 

two years of blogging

(english version is available below)

ровно два года назад, второго ноября я опубликовала свой первый пост в блоге. я помню как писала этот короткий текст, находясь в париже. я жутко переживала и даже боялась, сомневалась до последнего перед анонсом публикации и потом еще много раз в процессе. и как же чертовски я рада тому, что не позволяла этому страху остановить меня и продолжала делать то, что хотела делать больше всего - писать. как же быстро летит время! и сколько всего произошло за эти два года <3 кстати, о том, что за период был в моей жизни перед созданием блога, я рассказала в прошлом году в этом тексте. 

exactly two years ago, on the second of november i published my first blog post. i remember writing that short text, while being in paris. i remember being nervous and anxious, doubtful even before announcing this post and sharing it. and i remember feeling those emotions again and again on numerous occasions after that. i am extremely glad that i did not let that fear stop me, that i kept on doing what i wanted to do the most - write! time flies, and it is unbelievable how much have changes in two years <3 by the way, you can read about the period of my life before starting the blog in this post of mine from last year. 

good things list / september

(english version is available below)

я знаю, что говорю это постоянно, но...я просто не могу поверить в то, что закончился еще один месяц! и этот год закончится всего через три! что-о-о? ка-а-ак? ну, да ладно! сентябрь стал первым моим месяцем, который я от начала и до конца провела в стокгольме, что до сих пор кажется мне чем-то необычным. я должна сказать, что мой августовский список хорошего был невероятным и уникальным примером времени, когда все действительно здорово, а быть счастливой совсем легко. в то время как сентябрь был "back to reality" от начала и до конца. я имею ввиду, что началась рутина и были разные проблемы, так что я продолжала изо дня в день осознанно прикладывать усилия для того, чтобы чувствовать себя хорошо и радоваться, несмотря ни на что. в целом, это был замечательный месяц, и я рада поделиться некоторыми деталями с тобой.

i know i say this all the time, but...i cannot believe that another month is over! the year is going to be over in just three more months. wha-a-at? ho-o-ow? anyway, september was the first month that started and ended in stockholm. so unusual! i must say that my august edition of a good things list was an outstanding and rare example of a time in the life when everything is just great and it is so easy to be happy, whereas september was as real as it could get. it meant that i was back into the mode when i made a lot of conscious attempts to feel good and to enjoy myself every single day no matter what. despite all the difficulties, it was an amazing month, and i am thrilled to share some bits and pieces of it with you.

mum, i am in print

(english version is available below)

в августовском списке хорошего я упомянула о написании текстов для двух украинских журналов, так вот несколько дней назад поступил в продажу один из них, внутри которого есть моя статья. а второй текст, который так и не попал печать, уже можно прочитать на любимом simple + beyond! 

несмотря на то, что мои тексты уже появлялись в печати, я считаю, что только теперь все по-настоящему. более того, я знаю, что этот номер - начало многообещающего плодотворного сотрудничества, чему я безгранично рада. сегодня я хочу поговорить о печатных изданиях, поделиться своим мнением касательно диджитала и печати, и своим опытом взаимодействия с ними. и, конечно, рассказать о журнале с моей статьей, который уже можно купить, если ты в украине.

if you read my august good things list, you know that i have written two articles for ukrainian magazines last month. a few days ago one of them became available for purchase, and even though you will neither be able to buy it, nor to read it, i would like to tell you about this experience as well. the second article did not go into print and is now online on one of my favourite websites -  simple + beyond.

even though my texts have already been in print, it seems to me that this is the time when everything is for real. moreover, i know that this issue is a beginning of a promising and fruitful collaboration, which i am extremely excited about. today i would like to discuss print magazines, explain my attitude towards digital and print, share my experience of being involved in the making of both of them and, of course, tell you about the magazine with my article in it.

good things list / august

(english version is available below)

август был невероятным! он был настолько хорош, что написание этого списка кажется мне шуткой. но правда в том, что август стал моей компенсацией за все те испытания и провалы, с которыми я столкнулась за последние несколько лет. мне некомфортно и неловко говорить о том, как все хорошо, но я делаю это для того, чтобы разделить свою радость с тобой и напомнить тебе о том, что все проходит. если у тебя сейчас непростой период, просто не забывай о том, что он закончится и ситуация обязательно поменяется. а пока цени то хорошее, что у тебя есть, и привноси в свою жизнь нечто новое. в прошлом месяце я рассказывала о том, почему пишу такие списки, и подчеркивала, что каждый из нас ответственен за организацию вызывающих радость событий в нашей жизни (пусть и самые простых) и наполнение своей головы положительными мыслями.

august was extraordinary! it was so good that writing this list seems to be a joke to me, because this whole month was a true compensation for all the challenges and failures i had faced within the last couple of years. i feel uncomfortable and awkward saying things like this, but this month was great for me and i want to share it with you too in order to let you know - even if you are not at the best moment of your life, you should remember that it will pass, things will change and get better. meanwhile, think about the good things you have and create more of them. like i said in my july good things list - you are in charge of creating joyful experiences (even the most simple ones) and filling your head with positive thoughts.

back home

(текст на русском - ниже)

hello-hello <3 i have not been here for two weeks, which is unbelievable. i have just had a vacation, if you did not know. i am so happy to be back, i am so happy to finally turn thoughts into typed words again. i have missed my blog and i have missed my laptop, because that is how i get access to the blog and to you! i am finally going to tell you about my trip soon. very soon! i simply need a few more days to get back to my regular life routine and to adjust to it. i came back a little over a day ago and it has been extremely hectic, because there was so much to deal with right away, but i am trying to keep a special mood, to remain in a special state that has been filling me during my trip. frankly speaking, it is not an easy task, but i am a determined one.

discovery of the month / april

(текст на русском - ниже)

first of all, welcome to the new section on the blog - "discovery of the month". i have recently realized that i discover and learn something all the time, and naturally i would love to share it with you. yes, of course, basically every post contains some kind of a lesson, but i still think that i need a separate section that would be dedicated to discovering new things and practising new skills, which is exactly what "discovery of the month" will be for. i think it is going to be a lot of fun and i hope that you will find it useful! i am excited to start something new!

good things list / march

(текст на русском - ниже)

exactly a year ago my visa application was denied for the first time ever, so i could not go to paris fashion week and i wrote this post, which is still one of my favourite and one of the most precious ones. everything went well this time, so i spent february being excited and then the rest of march being inspired. it is always a little bit sad and hard to leave and go back, but i am simply grateful for every chance and opportunity i get. this month was a month of opportunities, of learning and discovering things i may have thought of, but did not dare to believe. i asked myself a lot of questions, and i know that i will have to figure the answers out in the nearest future. it was a month of self-exploration and growth! let me tell you more about the good things!

reading report / february

(текст на русском - ниже)

at first i thought that i would start this post by saying that it was difficult to find time to read in february. there were a few very important deadlines throughout the month, so basically the time that i would usually spend reading, like early mornings or late evenings, was dedicated to finishing important tasks. however, this thought reminded me of something, that i keep on pointing out to others all the f time - you either make time for something or you don`t. i do not have more time than anyone else, but i have priorities.

for example, i hoped to go back to yoga studio after not being able to go in january and then i just saw that rationally i could not afford giving away three hours (to get there, to be there, to go back) and i had to skip it. i felt guilty and upset, because i really wanted to go and because it made me feel so much better, but i just did not have enough time. instead i tried to do a litle bit of yoga here and there at home. something is always better than nothing. whereas with reading, i just love and need it so much, that i have to read at least a tiny bit every single day to remain sane, so i make it happen. that is why i would like to let you know one more time - if you want to read more - have a look at how you spend your time and get rid of something, because this is the only way to get things done. it works the same way for everything. i know that in march i am going to oversee my schedule one more time to make yoga studio a part of it again, but that is a subject for another post. books are what we are here today to discuss, right? YES <3

blog plans for two thousand seventeen

(текст на русском - ниже)

hey, you! after making some global plans for the year, it is time to make it clear what you can expect from "what being twenty is like" in the twelve upcoming months. i have been working on this blog for a little bit over a year now and it is a huge pleasure for me to keep on doing it. first of all, i want you to know that i will keep on talking about such subjects as self-help and self-motivation, inspiration, healthy life routine, working and building a career, important issues we face in the modern world (sexism, for example), as well as basics, such as reading and writing, travelling and anything and everything that matters when you are in your twenties. i invite you on this journey with me. let`s have a great year together! let`s discuss what is important and help each other, when it is necessary. shall we?

goodbye, two thousand sixteen

two thousand sixteen has been a year of mistakes and failures, and, as a result, a year of numerous lessons. it has definitely been a year of learning for me. some things went right, some things went wrong. some months were spent reading and writing, others were so full of work, that i had no energy or possibility to create. i had two major unsaid goals for the year and i managed to achieve them both, but life had other plans and neither of them worked out. i dealt with it and moved on. i enjoyed seeing that i could achieve a goal i had set for myself, i enjoyed being able to prove to myself that i could and so i would. i have always thought that as long as you are here, you have an opportunity to try as many times as you would like. this is exactly what i have been doing - trying again and again, because if it is important for you, you cannot give up on it.

as the year is coming to its end, i feel both exhausted and relieved, but also excited and motivated to start another one with new dreams and new goals. i am curious to see what is coming, what i am going to be able to do this time around and i prefer to believe that it will be much better. meanwhile, it is time to say goodbye to two thousand sixteen. i would like to keep on being boring and create a list with some data about a year of mine. i will be grateful, if you stick around with me. also, as always, feel free to share yours! 

on positivity and dealing with creative block

(текст на русском - ниже)

if you do anything creative, you know those moments, when you seem to be totally useless and helpless. you either have no ideas or you see no ways to develop them into something proper. of course, struggling is common and you are aware of it, but you do not remember it being this bad, so it dejects you. making new attempts does not help, and you keep on torturing yourself with all sorts of negative thoughts. it gets harder all the time, so at some point you stop trying, because you are drained. as a result, you get an extra reason to critisize yourself and to be really hard on yourself...the vicious circle is permanent, unless you break out of it. i do realize that even if you have nothing in common with creative activities, those states are familiar to you too. basically, this is going to be a kick in the ass for anyone, who is trying to do something a little outside of the necessary minimum, something special. actually, i believe this post is going to be valuable for anyone who has ever struggled with something, which makes it literally anyone among us, human beings.

one year of blogging

(текст на русском - ниже)

exactly a year ago i clicked on "publish" for the first time here, on the blog. this post became a new chapter for me. also i wrote this one in order to explain better what the whole "what being twenty is like" concept was about. since then i have published ninety four posts and i cannot wait to write more. so what was it all like for me three hundred sixty six days ago?

good things list / october

if i had to choose a word of the month for october it would be busy. i did not notice how the month went by. there was a long to do-list every day and almost no time to slow down and have proper rest. while having a growing quantity of work tasks, i decided to get my shit together and take control over my schedule again. more acitivities, more things to do, less time, less energy. i have always thought that being busy was better than being bored, so i am not complaining. i asked myself a lot of questions and i did not find answers to all of them, but i am definitely satisified with the direction i am going in. november is going to be a little less stressful, but hopefully as productive as october has been. it was a great month and i am happy to share my new good things list with you! here is to a happy november <3

questionnaire / part three

here comes the final part of a questionnaire, taken from shakespeare and company cafe in paris last year. the process of thinking well and looking for answers has definitely been an exciting and an enjoyable one. activities like this one undoubtedly help us understand ourselves better, and even show us something we did not know was there. to have a full picture, you can read part one and part two. i am looking forward to answering these questions a few years later and comparing my answers. 

good things list / september

hello from the happiest and the most excited person. as i am writing this post, i am still looking forward to what is going to happen in a few days, but when you will be reading it, it is going to be happening already, so i am double excited to be in that day and to publish the post and to remember the moment, when i was still waiting, dreaming and making plans. frankly speaking, i would say that september was a great month! it felt as if a very long period of bad luck has ended and a good one has finally started. this is exactly what i would like to point out today - no matter how many times you are going to be disappointed, upset and confused about what to do next, after everything goes wrong, you just have to keep making your next step, because early or late things will get better. they will, but you have to remember it and you should not loose hope! 

a day in warsaw

waking up at an unusual place is always exciting. where am i? what am i doing here? i look around and i realize that i am at a hotel in warsaw, and i will wake up here three more times. we arrived yesterday (by the way, you can read my first post about the trip here) and the day did not go as it had been initially planned, but we managed to do what we had to anyway, so we are fine. a free day for exploring the city is waiting ahead, and i am thrilled. i cannot wait to get outside and simply wander around, absorbing everything unnknown around me. luckilly, it is still early, so i have enough time to read a few articles and write my daily post on medium in bed, while also drinking hot coffee.