let go of what you do not have

(english version is available below) 

на прошлой неделе в мире отмечали день отца. моя лента в инстаграме наполнилась фотографиями отцов и детей, а также словами о том, какую роль первые сыграли в жизни вторых. какие-то посты были воспоминаниями о детстве, какие-то - благодарностью тем мужчинам, с которыми автор воспитывает своих детей. я смотрела на все эти кадры и читала тексты под ними, ощущая радость и тепло внутри, а потом задумалась о том, что когда-то давно я бы отреагировала на все это совершенно иначе.

last week, people from all around the world celebrated father`s day. my instagram feed mostly consisted of phots of fathers and children as well as words about the roles that those fathers played in their children`s lives. some posts included recollections from childhood, others were expressions of gratitude to the men that their authors were raising their children with. i was observing these photographs and reading those texts, while joy and warm were filling me. and then i realized that i would react differently several years earlier. 

again and again and again

standing up is hard, standing up again and again after falling so many times is even harder, but definitely worth it. it is something you should keep on doing no matter how challenging it seems to be. why? because what other options do you have? give up? how can that even be considered an option?

“ever tried. ever failed. no matter. try again. fail again. fail better.” - samuel beckett.

i am not sure if i have been lying to myself, but it seems like i have been trying pretty hard to achieve what is essential for me. there are things that do not let me sleep at night and do not let me relax during the day. i cannot feel calm or peaceful, because i know that i have not done something i had really wanted to do. i keep trying and trying and trying, but all — useless. i do know that i won`t stop, i will keep on making new attempts, but from time to time i feel like i am one of those people, who never get where they wanted to be no matter how hard they tried…however, i do not want to be that person! i want to achieve my goals, i want to finally be where i actually want to be and do what i want to do more than anything else. how can anything else matter more?